Language Difficulties

Since our court day, we have been able to keep Alex with us all the time. We weren't expecting to be able to do so and learning that he could stay with us caused him to leave the Internot rather suddenly. He went to court and never went back. Well, that's not exactly true. The next day we returned in order to swap the dress shoes he wore to court for his sneakers and to return the winter coat he was wearing as we had brought one with us. When we went back to do this we saw his caretaker Natalia, but did not see any of the other children.

I know that there are children at the Internot that Alex likes very much. He may not want to be there, but he has positive emotional attachments to people who are still there. I know this because during his Christmas visit he moved the picture of his classmates and caregiver I had framed from the shelf to his nightstand and he would look at it every day. He also called several of his friends over the Christmas visit and had long and animated conversations with them.

So on Sunday, we planned that he would attend the hour long English class at the Internot so he could have his usual Sunday lesson with his beloved teacher and friend Larisa, as well as see his two "best buddies" Maxim and Andrey who also had lessons at the same time. I mentioned the plans on Saturday, but he didn't really respond so I thought he understood. But on Sunday, I wasn't prepared for the level of resistance I encountered when I reminded Alex of the day's plans. He didn't want to go, in fact he refused to go. Anything but English. In fact, he didn't want to learn English - ever.

In retrospect it is easy to see what happened. But apparently parenting, especially being a new parent, specifically being the new parent of a child who doesn't speak the same language, has already lived over a decade and is from another country with totally different political, economic and social systems, is something that can't be done in retrospect, but must be accomplished in the moment. The moment began long before I realized there was any problem at all.

On Saturday, the day prior to his English class, Randy and I made plans to for us all to go to eat at Kymehat for a Ukrainian dinner and attend the evening performance of the Odessa Philharmonic with our friend Dima. During the evening Alex became rowdier than we would have liked and began to pout after being told repeatedly that he really needed a bit of calming. The behaviour continued at the Philharmonic and caused us to leave at intermission. We weren't angry with Alex, we just realized that he would continue to pout as long as we stayed and the intermission seemed like the right time to leave.

As an aside, the Odessa Philharmonic is in a fabulous building which was once the Odessa Stock Exchange. It is a beautiful building, in need of renovation, but absoluetely beautiful as is. They have an American Conductor who has worked very hard to better the reputation and attendance and his hard work is evident in the performance.

So we came home and went to sleep. The next day, Larisa was to come to our flat and we were all going to then go to the Internot where Alex would have his lesson along with Maxim and Andrey. However, that morning prior to Larisa's arrival, Alex told me "he didn't want to go to English." We even called Larisa and had her translate for us and sure enough Alex didn't want to see Maxim and Andrey and wasn't sure he wanted to learn English.

Randy, Larisa and I decided that we would continue with our plans for her to come over as this was going to need to be discussed. Learning English wasn't really an option as even if Randy and I continue to struggle through our Russian lessons and even if we miraculously become fluent in the language there are very few others speaking Russian in Alpharetta, GA. Thus, Alex learning English is pretty much a given.

Just prior to Larisa arriving, Alex came to me and wanted to talk to me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the window in the kitchen where he stood looking out while I sat next to him on the kitchen bench. His English is halting, made up of words that he knows to cover the basics of getting up, getting dressed, showering, brushing teeth, going to the store, needing something, eating, etc. Sentences are difficult. Emotions and feelings are impossible.

So he strained to try to ask me what he wanted. He gripped one of my hands and traced the air with his other index finger. He tried some sounds, could not find the words he wanted and then ran off for the dictionary. Searching through the pages he found a word, looked at it a long time and then closed the book. "What?, I said. "Sto?" He didn't answer. "Please show me," I implored. He opened the dictionary and showed me a word and said, "I?" and drew a circle. The word he pointed to meant "stay with" and the circle meant Randy and I.

My heart broke as tears came to my eyes. He didn't understand that we wanted him to go to the Internot for 1 hour of English with his best friends Maxim and Andrey because we thought he would enjoy it and every bit of English improvement helps. He thought we wanted to take him back to the Internot because he didn't know enough English. I have never held a child so tight as I did at that moment. Randy came and we both together found the word for "forever". In halting Russian mixed with English, accompanied by hand waves and hugs, we explained to Alex that we would always be his parents, today, tomorrow, next week, next year, next decade and forever more.

It took a bit of time, but his glowing smile came back, he understood. But just as a back-up when Larisa arrived he informed us all that yes, he wanted to see his friends, but only at a "goodbye party" and he would really rather have English class at our flat, if that was ok with everyone. That evening after our day was over and we were coming back from the market he started singing as he ran up the 4 flight of stairs to the flat, "Internot Not, fa la la, Not Internot, Not Me" he sang.