A Journey of the Soul

Posted on Adoption UI message board by Randy Smith in response to the concern of Prospective Adoptive Parents regarding changes at the National Adoption Center in Ukraine:

I know this is a very anxious time for you and our prayers are with you for a successful completion of your adoption process.

While we were in Ukraine I learned not to assume anything or to think I knew what was going on in their elaborate adoption world – how arrogant of me would that be? There are too many variables and unknowns. I was doing well just to go to the local food market and negotiate the purchase of the right kind of cheese and find my way home in the snow, let alone negotiate the intricacies of the politics of the NAC in a language I can't understand.

Instead I found it better to just to wait for Oleg's team to tell me what to do next – this is after all why we pay them a fair wage. It was very hard at first because we wanted to try to control the situations and the timing of events, but ultimately we had faith, let go, and things worked out great for us and our son Alex. That is not to say there were not anxious moments – there were many.

While in the JFK airport waiting to fly to Kiev I had a moment of clarity about this process that I keep coming back to as we adjust to having Alex at home with us. This was an extreme life changing moment for me.

I realized that this adoption trip was a journey of the Soul. By this I mean it made little sense on a physical or mental level – it is simply too difficult of a journey to be understood on these planes of consciousness.

Friends would ask in so many words, "so why exactly are you at age 51 dropping everything and traveling 4000 miles to a Russian speaking country carrying a bunch of cash to spend a month or more to adopt a child you know very little about based on a verbal contract with someone you have never met who goes by the name of Oleg?"

The answer would be with an odd smile "because, well, you see it is because uh, I know it is what I need to do." Fortunately Cynthia and I both felt this way, we just had trouble articulating it at first. However at some higher level we did not really have a
choice – our son needed us, we were compelled to go, nothing else seemed to matter.

For me this is a journey driven from a higher plane of consciousness that seems to move the body and mind along whether they are tired or not, whether they have previous engagements or not, whether they really want to go or not, whether they have the time or not, whether they can afford it or not. It is a no excuses - just go - kind of proposition. The body and mind are compelled to drop everything and go on this Soul journey. Why? – Who knows why? Because it is something we needed to do and we really did not have a choice.

In the movie The Four Feathers, Abou Fatma (Djimon Hounsou) an African warrior and fellow prisoner takes care of a hurt and suffering young British soldier (Harry Faversham) Heath Ledger. At one point a confused Harry asks Abou "Why are you protecting me?" To this Abou replies from the heart with kindness, conviction and
extreme strength of purpose, "God put you in my way. I have no choice."

To the families waiting with the anxiety of the unknown regarding their pending adoptions, I believe there is a higher purpose at work in your adoption process and that your Soul's journey is perfect and without mistakes, and with continued faith and works will become manifest no matter what the current circumstances appear to be.

And to Alex our son, in the words of Abou Fatma, we are thankful that God put you in our way, not at all as a burden, but as the divine opportunity to protect you and to allow you to find your way on this Earth.

Randy

Filled with Adventure Right Up to the End

We are home. We arrived this afternoon on Air France flight 316. It seems the Aerosvit flight was cancelled due to a breakdown in China, which necessitated another flight, which ended up taking us to Paris, which then caused us to have to spend the night, thus delaying our arrival by well over 24 hours. But we are home. 5 weeks and 1 day later. And all three of us are glad to be here! Much love, Cynthia

The Last Few Minutes of the Last Hour of the Last Evening of the Last Day in Kiev

5 weeks ago we were beginning this trip. 5 weeks ago we did not know what this trip would be like and now, today, the trip is over. It has traveled the arc from future to present to past without even stopping. Smoothly the time has traveled, each minute as even and as fluid as the one before it or the one to come soon after it.

So tomorrow we go home. To the place I have not allowed myself to think about these many weeks. Home to esplanades of cherry blossoms and fragrant flowers. Home to the budding leaves peaking out in their greenest splendour, home to warm evenings and warmer days basking in the warmth of the blue skies.

Home to my house - the one decorated in "Ritz Carlton Lobby Style" with the foyer crystal chandelier dropping brilliant teardrops around the many small lighbulbs ensuring the lights sparkle brilliantly and beautifully once evening falls.

Soon we will be playing with Spunky and Scooter, high fiving Mr. Bear and ensuring Floppy Dog has been an adequate watchdog over Alex's room.

We can't wait to come home. Yeah!

The Potted Plant Flat in Kiev

Among those who use the services of Team Oleg for translation, transportation and facilitation the "Potted Plant" flat is famous. It's a very nice flat with over 12 foot ceilings, ceramic tiled bathroom, large french doors which open to a balconey and a huge bay window off of the living room which overlooks the street below. I know many friends of mine who have stayed in this flat so to you I dedicate the following pictures!!!!

Last Days in Kiev

Since finishing out our paperwork on Tuesday we have been officially free to leave the country and return home with Alex. Team Oleg had predicted a return date of March 10th so they improved the timeframe by 3 days. However, in order to affordably fly first class we are flying Aerosvit, an Eastern European airline which flies out of Kiev to New York on Tuesday, Friday and Sunday. Since our original target date was March 10th we booked tickets on the 12th just to "make sure" everything is complete (Saturday's are often work days here). It was just too much trouble and money to change the flight to only gain 2 days so we've left our flights for Sunday.

Thus, since Tuesday evening we have just been "hanging" around. We have read books, played games, bought Alex a computer keyboard in Russian and generally just "dinked". Wedesday was International Women's Day so we spent a lot of time looking out the bay windows at all the men carrying flowers home!

Today, Friday, it started snowing when we got up, so we decided not to go out in it and instead got together with the Alvastad's on the floor above us so Alex could watch a movie with their two children while we all chatted.

Everyone (except me) has now gone to sleep and I'm sitting here amazed as I realize there is one more full day and then it is Sunday - our departure day!

We want to go home. We have work to do, bills to pay, cats to feed, the house to clean, a school to enroll Alex in and a number of other chores awaiting us. I also am looking forward to some time to write about this trip just for myself in order to capture the details I overlooked in this blog or did not have the time or inclination to think through during the process. I'm also looking forward to a double pepporonii pizza, swiss cheese fondue and a really good steak and salad. Don't get me wrong - Ukraine is a great country to eat in. I divide countries into gain weight and lose weight countries and Ukraine is definately a gain weight country. Still it will be good to bite into a completely known food that I love like Pizza.

Alex improves everyday. The shadow's cross his face less frequently. He moves himself out of "full pout mode" almost as soon as he passes into it. He is cheerful and answers my requests even when made in full sentence English. All around he's a wonderful, intelligent, adorable boy. At times he looks and acts 5 while other times he seems older than his age. His prayers in Russian ring out with the awe of youth and his sleep after his prayers is peaceful and serene. He is ours, he is ours, he is ours.... to love and protect and educate and assist. God is good. Cynthia

Final Paper Chase

We arrived in Kiev Monday evening around 9PM. We are staying in the flat with the large potted plant. It is a very nice flat and is the most comfortable of all the places we have stayed thus far. Our trip from Odessa to Kiev was uneventful. We drove in a large mini-van with another couple and their adopted daughter.

We spent the time talking about our spiritual beliefs which made the time pass quickly. Our views differed but we had an extremely pleasant and friendly discussion and I enjoyed the opportunity to see the world through another's eyes as well as clarify my thoughts by speaking them aloud to another.

Unfortunately, three hours of non-stop talking caused my braces and "palate expander" to play havoc with the interior of my mouth and I've been in pain for the past two days. Note to prospective adoptive parents: traveling to Ukraine with braces and other metallic appliances in your mouth should be avoided if at all possible!

Tuesday we met our driver, the other couple and Helen, an interpreter and facilitator from Team Oleg at 8:30AM to begin the last details to finalize the Ukrainian portion of our adoption of Alex. We all headed to a Medical Center where both Alex and the other couple's daughter had to undergo a physical examination. We found that Alex may have a mild astigmatism and will need a more thorough cardiac evaluation when we return to the states due to an anomalous S1 systolic murmer, as I understand it. He was given a chest x-ray which was completely normal. We also learned his arm was fractured and he sustained a mild concussion, both occuring within the first month at the Internot. We were given the list of immunizations he has undergone as well as a handwritten medical summary in Ukranian/Russian. With that he was pronounced healthy and the appropriate piece of paper with the Doctor's signature was provided to us.



We then proceeded to the last appointment we would need prior to being able to return to the United States with our son - we went to the US Embassy in Kiev to receive a Visa for Alex to travel to and remain in the US. Entering the Embassy grounds there we saw a large tent with heavy plastic as walls filled with people sitting in chairs. I didn't ask the guard about the structure. I'd be interested to know if it was for Ukranian nationals who were seeking permission to travel or immigrate to the US. If anyone knows, please comment.

We were told to "go right in" and so we entered a hall like structure appended to the side of the building. We passed through security - Alex had to take everything off his belt loops. This included two small (miniture actually) compasses, one small LED flashlight, a heart with a prayer on it and the Mercedes Key Chain with front door key to our house which we had given him at the airport when he left America after Christmas to return to Ukraine prior to our NAC appointment. He also had to place the two digital cameras into the plastic bin along with the $4USD, $1UAH and 70 kopeck. Randy was required to relinquish the two energy bars he carries with him at all time. I gave up my make up case containing the small cuticle scissors. Thus, having insured we were weapon free, we were allowed into the Embassey. A quick stop at window #9 verified our appointment. The very nice young lady went through our paperwork and asked a few questions. She had us sign a couple pieces of paper. We were then given a bill and told to take it to the cashier window whereupon we paid our sum of money required. We then were told to sit in a room. After about 15 minutes, we were called to window #15. A young man who spoke as a native American would as well as speaking fluent Russian/Ukranian interviewed us. We were asked how we met Alex, why we wanted to adopt him, who we worked with to accomplish the adoption, whether we would recommend them, did we pay any bribes and when we planned to travel. He then spoke in Russian/Ukranian to Alex receiving a series of answers, mainly shy "da's". He then stamped a few papers and provided us Alex's passport with Visa.

That was it! We were free to leave! We could travel to America at that very moment! Tears welled up in my eyes, tension flowed away from my body, exhaustion settled in. My stomach rumbled from hunger and I wanted to lie down. We came back to the flat and just relaxed. Our flight is not until Sunday, so we are spending these last remaining days in Ukraine "bonding" as a family.

Alex and Randy go to the market each morning. I help Alex with his shower and tuck him into bed each evening. In between we practice English, watch DVD's, walk around the neighborhood, play games and dream of home.

Our time in Ukraine has been 5 weeks - not so long a time when the fruits of this time last a lifetime. We started our journey Sepember 18, 2005 and we will end this portion of by flying home as a family on March 12, 2006. This is only the beginning of the adventure. These past 5 weeks, indeed the past 6 months have brought happiness and pain, laughter and tears, we've experienced euphoria and defeat, we have created friendships we hope will last a lifetime and we have ended relationships both good and bad. Our journey now turns the corner as we move forward from adoption to family. My gratitude is immense as I realize this small soul is now ours to hold and nurture to adulthood. Thank you God. Cynthia


Kiev to JFK Aerosvit VV131
Noon - 3PM March 12

JFK - Atlanta Delta DL 175
5:30PM - 8:05PM March 12

See you soon!

Kiev Bound

We back in Kiev. Randy spent the morning running around with Dima to get Alex's notarized birth certificate and new passport. I spent the morning packing. Alex watched cartoons in Russian and played with his gameboy. Dima P. came and helped us with our luggage. We went to the Internot and Alex said goodbye to the Director and Social Worker. Oksana came to say goodbye to Alex. Oksana's terrific mom came to the Internot just to say goodbye which really was the nicest thing to do. We really appreciated it.

With Internot #4 receding in the mirror of the mini-van Vataliy was driving to take us and another couple to Kiev, Alex left the city he was born and has lived in since birth. Once era of his life has ended and a new one is about to begin. On Sunday March 12th we will fly Aerosvit to JFK and Delta to Atlanta, arriving at his new home with his new parents.

I love this little boy so very much. Thank you God for entrusting Alex to us.

Much Love, Cynthia

Good-Bye Party

Today we had a good bye party at the Internot for Alex and his classmates. This wasn't an event that I looked forward towards. As happy as I am to have our adoption final, like all new beginnings, this one must start with an end of that which was and now is no longer.

The first decade of Alex's life brought much pain and hurt, but there have also been bright spots of love along the way. His mother and father loved him to the best of their abilities, however blunted their capabilities may have been. At the moment of conception, no mother or father intends to abandon their child to face life alone. Yet ultimately these children were left parentless to fend for themselves in a world that even adults find difficult.

Yet as the Spanish Carmelite Friar, St. John of the Cross said, "In the dark night of the soul, bright flows the river of God." And God's river of goodness has brought souls of light to illuminate the way. Alex experienced the warmth of these pools of light shone by those who came to work among the dark halls of the Internot and it is these people that he will be leaving; bittersweet goodbyes amongst the joy of a family formed and united in love.

So to all of Alex's friends, teachers and caregivers I thank you for the love you've shared, the psalms you've taught, the games you've played, the lessons studied, the clothes you've ironed, the food you've served, the care you have given to this one small soul that my husband and I now call our son. Each of you has played a part in this child's life and placed a brick in foundation of his life. With love and appreciation to Natalia, Larisa, Dima, Lela, Viktor, Alyona, Michelle, Dima, Lisa, Tania, Dina, Maggie, Vinny, Oksana, Irina, Kelly, Tonya, Oleg, Nastya, all of Alex's classmates and the many others I've missed naming who have touched this childs heart. I Thank You, Randy Thanks You, Alex Thanks You and surely, God rejoices in you.

Hair Gel

"What's this?" is a common phrase in our daily living now that we have Alex with us 24/7. The other morning while Randy was getting ready for the day he dabbed his dime size daily dot of gel on the top of his freshly washed hair. Alex, right on cue popped his head in the bathroom and managed a fast, "what's this?" "Hair gel," Randy replied walking out of the bathroom.

Hair gel apparently translates multiple languages because the next thing I new, Alex was pulling a hair dryer out of the drawer. This was the first instance I'd seen of anything resembling fashion or grooming awareness so my interest was immediately piqued. Poking my head around the corner I saw him seriously drying his hair. I watched while every so often he would pull a little piece of hair straight and then hit the dryer on button again. Pretty soon the front of his hair was 180 degrees from it's normal position.

He seemed pretty pleased with himself. I thought he looked awfully cute... but then mother's always think their sons are cute. In this case though, I'm sure (smile, grin, wink) that I'm right! Go Alex.

Frog in a Pot

Everyone who knows me well knows I constantly use analogies and metaphors to get my points across. I view life in layers, what is felt, what is seen, what is intended, what is ideal, what is universal. Metaphors and other abstract ways of communicating allow for both the subtle, literal and figurative to be communicated at once. So it didn't surprise me at all to wake up thinking about frogs in pots of water.

Looking around me at the flat we have now been in for over 3 weeks, I realize that the infamous frog who never jumped out of the pot as the water heated up and began to boil, also never jumped out if the water was cooled perhaps even to the point of freezing. Usually the frog analogy is used to illuminate how one can learn to accomodate and even live within an unbearable, untenable, unsafe or uncomfortable situation. But I woke up realizing my inner frog has grown fat and happy.

Yesterday I hit the wall here in Odessa, Ukraine. My stomach is roiling, my body aches from the "healthy" but paddingless board which is called a bed here, I am breaking out because the small shower wand can only rinse about 4 inches of my body at a time and at that rinse rate the hot water runs out before my body is completely clean along with a myriad of other annoyances which I am tired of dealing with. Yes, I admit it, I want to come home!

But in a moment of clear thought, this environment which I have now become eager to leave, is not so different from that which I have known. I'm just a fat frog. This flat is better than what I lived in for 4 years at college. The smokey air is no less smokey than that which I inhaled for the first 17 years of my life, nor is it less smokey than the air we all inhaled until such time as California's "health wave" washed across the country and smoking was banned everywhere. The market which makes me yearn for our giant, spotless, sterile Kroger store is reminiscent of the local store where my grandmother and mother shopped, purchasing daily bread and picking out their own cuts of meat or choosing the specific fish we would have for diner. The towels I find so stiff and picky, lacking in the correct egyptian cotton yarn are just like the one's my mother gave me as a child when she would place them on the line to dry during sunny days. Certainly washing dishes in a small sink after dinner is nothing remarkable, I assisted my mother everyday of my life until that exciting day my father brought home a large box which could be hooked to the faucet and then did the dishes for us.

So waking up this morning, I realized that I have grown to accept the material fruits of a successful 25 year career as the norm, when in fact they are not. And usually that fact can be hidden from oneself by the liberal use of the dollar. One can "upgrade" to the large room or suite and sleep in the "heavenly" bed, stay on the "concierge level" to ensure snacks and breakfast are easily available, become a "Hertz Gold" member to remove the need to stand in lengthy lines, rent the Town Car instead of the Fiesta inuring oneself from any standard of living which doesn't meet one's own.

But Ukraine, struggling out of the shadows of economic hardship and finding it's way from deprivation to plenty, has not yet built the infrastructure for the fat frog. Communism is based on equality at a defined level of comfort. And it isn't fat frog comfort. The economic systems have not been built to allow for one to choose what level of comfort one lives in or experiences.

I'm not sure what I make of these thoughts I've been thinking. My husband and I have worked hard to create our individual lifestyle. It's one that we find comfortable yet someone else may not enjoy at all. There are always those with more, there are always those with less. This frog, having been yanked out of my individual pot, is just darn interested to see how big the kitchen really is and how many levels of heat each of these burners has.

Many have asked me for specifics regarding our stay in Ukraine. I will write more about that in another post. Suffice it to say it's most likely not like home. You will read many books. Bring some form of movie playing device and more than 15 movies. Ensure you have paper, pencils, pens, cards, several games for your child. The beds are really hard, low and do not have a "real" mattress. Yes, you can buy everything you need here, you just won't be able to because everything is in another language, and those that are in the store to help you find what you need - they speak another language too. Everything smells "different." And I do mean everything, the air, the water, the sheets, the towels, the food, the restaurants. We usually process "different" as bad. Be aware of that and prepared. It goes away after a few days as "different" becomes the "usual". Once that happens you have "acclimated". You will look around and say to yourself, "what was I thinking, this is fine." That means you are 3 days from "hitting the wall". The day you hit the wall it's best to stay in and sleep a lot. That allows you to "bounce back". This will give you just enough energy to make it back to Kiev. Not having gotten that far yet, I can only speculate. I think I am currently in the "bounce back" stage. That means Dima S. has less than a week to get us back to Kiev.

Much love, Cynthia